When it became necessary to claim Jobseeker’s Allowance this time after becoming unemployed I made a conscious decision to adopt a blasé attitude which in practice probably means assuming that “it’ll all work out in the end”. Consequently, my manner is probably taken to indicate a deep apathy and a lack of ambition and this in turn, I believe, causes people to treat any task involving my affairs less urgently than they otherwise would.
The motivation for this apparently self defeating move stems from a strong determination to avoid at all costs the state of extreme exasperation, a kind of impotent rage that consumed me and dominated my mental state during my previous experience with the DWP. I have a strong suspicion that episodes in life that affect the balance of the mind in this way have devastating, long-term effects on psychological health. Although relatively short periods in a lifetime, precious mental resources are depleted at an unsustainable rate, ravaging the finely balanced ecology of the mind.
Reminiscent of the silent scream during a troubled dream, this is the feeling of power and control over your life being confiscated. This is the realization of grotesque imbalances in the relationship that exists between individual and State; it’s institutionalized thuggery as practised by the dull and staggering incumbent who has been gifted the results of a fixed fight because that’s how those with the power want it to be.
October 17th came which was the day I was due to sign. I made my advisor aware of the fact that I hadn’t received any payment yet and he gave me the use of a phone to call the benefits centre. Again it appeared that there was no record of documents received so I was told someone would investigate and call me back at home.